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Natalia J. Garland

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Here are some riddles which I collected from outside sources:

Q - Why are there no psychiatrists for dogs?
A - Everybody knows dogs aren't allowed on couches.

Q - How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but the light bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q - How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle, and one to change the bulb.

Q - How many country-western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Three. One to change it and two to sing about missing the old burnt out one.

Q - The more there is of it, the less you see. What is it?
A - Darkness.

Q - Where does satisfaction come from?
A - From a satisfactory.

Q - When things go wrong, what can you always count on?
A - Your fingers.

Q - What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
A - A hill is hard to get up, and a pill is hard to get down.

Q - Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
A - Because of all the tellers.

Q - Why should you never tell secrets in a garden?
A - Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans talk (beanstalk).

Q - Why did the invisible man go crazy?
A - Out of sight, out of mind.

Q - Why did the wife understand her invisible husband so well?
A - Because she could see right through him.

Q - When is it good to lose your temper?
A - When you have a bad one.

Q - Are you crazy if you talk to yourself?
A - Not unless you answer.

Q - Can you spell jealousy with two letters?
A - NV (envy).

Q - Why is the ocean angry?
A - Because it has been crossed so many times.

Q - Why are birds poor?
A - Because money doesn't grow on trees.

Q - What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A - A turtle with claustrophobia.

Q - What did one grape say to the other grape?
A - If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this jam.

Q - What has four eyes but cannot see?
A - Mississippi.

Q - What are the six main seasons?
A - Summer, fall, winter, spring, salt and pepper.

Q - Why is your heart like a policeman?
A - Because if follows a regular beat.

Q - What criminals can you find in a shoe store?
A - A pair of sneakers.

Q - What animal breaks the law?
A - A cheetah.

Q - What kind of mistake does a ghost make?
A - A boo-boo.

Q - What should you say when you meet a monster with two heads?
A - Hello, hello.

Q - What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up his payments to his exorcist?
A - He was repossessed.

Q - At this moment everyone in the world is doing the same thing. What is it?
A - Getting older.

Q - What belongs to you but is used more by others?
A - Your name.

Q - What doesn't exist but has a name?
A - Nothing.

Q - Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
A - Because when you find it, you stop looking.

Q - What is the beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space;
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every race?
A - The letter E.

Here are a few riddles which I wrote especially for mental health workers:

Q - What state has the most cases of depression?
A - The state of mind.

Q - Why did the rabbit keep hopping back and forth between Texas and Mexico?
A - Because it had a borderline personality.

Q - Why did the bear swim from the North Pole to the South Pole?
A - Because it was a bipolar bear.

Q - How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Ten. One to do an assessment, one to write a plan, one to check the state regulations, one to change the bulb, five to review the process, and one to find placement for the burnt-out bulb.

Q - How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. People should learn how to live in darkness.

Q - What did the Aspirin on the floor say to the Zoloft on the table?
A - Pick me up.

Q - Why did the dentist refer the dog to a speech therapist?
A - Because the dog's bark was worse than its bite.

Q - How did the lost psychotherapist find his way to work?
A - He followed a psychopath.

Q - Why did the chicken cross the road?
A - Due to federal regulations regarding confidentiality, I cannot answer that question.

(Written 04/03/06: bibliography available.)

Until we meet again..............stay sane.

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Copyright 2006 Natalia J. Garland