Wave of Consciousness, "A Voice of Sanity in a World of Conflict"

Riddles

by Natalia J. Garland, M.S.W.

Here are some riddles which I collected from outside sources:

Q - Why are there no psychiatrists for dogs?
A - Everybody knows dogs aren't allowed on couches.

Q - How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Only one, but the light bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q - How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle, and one to change the bulb.

Q - How many country-western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Three. One to change it and two to sing about missing the old burnt-out one.

Q - The more there is of it, the less you see. What is it?
A - Darkness.

Q - Where does satisfaction come from?
A - From a satisfactory.

Q - When things go wrong, what can you always count on?
A - Your fingers.

Q - What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
A - A hill is hard to get up, and a pill is hard to get down.

Q - Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?
A - Because of all the tellers.

Q - Why should you never tell secrets in a garden?
A - Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beans talk (beanstalk).

Q - Why did the invisible man go crazy?
A - Out of sight, out of mind.

Q - Why did the wife understand her invisible husband so well?
A - Because she could see right through him.

Q - When is it good to lose your temper?
A - When you have a bad one.

Q - Are you crazy if you talk to yourself?
A - Not unless you answer.

Q - Can you spell jealousy with two letters?
A - NV (envy).

Q - Why is the ocean angry?
A - Because it has been crossed so many times.

Q - Why are birds poor?
A - Because money doesn't grow on trees.

Q - What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A - A turtle with claustrophobia.

Q - What did one grape say to the other grape?
A - If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this jam.

Q - What has four eyes but cannot see?
A - Mississippi.

Q - What are the six main seasons?
A - Summer, fall, winter, spring, salt and pepper.

Q - Why is your heart like a policeman?
A - Because if follows a regular beat.

Q - What criminals can you find in a shoe store?
A - A pair of sneakers.

Q - What animal breaks the law?
A - A cheetah.

Q - What kind of mistake does a ghost make?
A - A boo-boo.

Q - What should you say when you meet a monster with two heads?
A - Hello, hello.

Q - What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up his payments to his exorcist?
A - He was repossessed.

Q - At this moment everyone in the world is doing the same thing. What is it?
A - Getting older.

Q - What belongs to you but is used more by others?
A - Your name.

Q - What doesn't exist but has a name?
A - Nothing.

Q - Why do you always find something in the last place you look?
A - Because when you find it, you stop looking.

Q - What is the beginning of eternity,
The end of time and space;
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every race?
A - The letter E.

Here are a few riddles which I wrote especially for mental health workers:

Q - What state has the most cases of depression?
A - The state of mind.

Q - Why did the rabbit keep hopping back and forth between Texas and Mexico?
A - Because it had a borderline personality.

Q - Why did the bear swim from the North Pole to the South Pole?
A - Because it was a bipolar bear.

Q - How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - Ten. One to do an assessment, one to write a plan, one to check the state regulations, one to change the bulb, five to review the process, and one to find placement for the burnt-out bulb.

Q - How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - None. People should learn how to live in darkness.

Q - What did the Aspirin on the floor say to the Zoloft on the table?
A - Pick me up.

Q - Why did the dentist refer the dog to a speech therapist?
A - Because the dog's bark was worse than its bite.

Q - How did the lost psychotherapist find his way to work?
A - He followed a psychopath.

Q - Why did the chicken cross the road?
A - Due to federal regulations regarding confidentiality, I cannot answer that question.

(Written 03/20/06)

BIBLIOGRAPHY NOTES:

1.) Biggest Riddle Book in the World, by Joseph Rosenbloom. Published by Sterling Publishing Co., Inc., 1976, ISBN: 0-8069-8884-3. Riddles are quoted from pp. 17, 50, 53, 77, 147, 149, 150, 151, 153, 154, 165, 166, 168, 170, 174, 179, 181, 184, 192, 194, 212, 214, 219, 224, 249.
2.) ButlerWebs.com, Dim Bulb Riddles, [WWW document] URL www.butlerwebs.com/jokes/riddles.htm#CUTE%20&%20FUNNY
3.) ButlerWebs.com, Halloween Riddles, [WWW document] URL www.butlerwebs.com/holidays/halloween.htm