Wave of Consciousness, "A Voice of Sanity in a World of Conflict"
Basic Defense Mechanisms
by Natalia J. Garland, M.S.W.
I never drink before 4:00 p.m., so it's not a problem.
In reality, he snorts cocaine at lunch and drinks a bottle of whiskey
at 4:15 p.m. every day. He admits to drinking, but denies the real
extent. He views cocaine as a separate issue--denying that it has
any relationship to a drinking problem--so he does not even mention
it.
Mr. Olsen's doctors diagnosed him with brain cancer, and told him
he would not live more than six months. Mr. Olsen decided to enroll in
college and begin a new career. He will not listen to any suggestion
that he create a will or trust fund to provide for his
wife.
Mr. Olsen is living as though nothing unusual is happening to him.
Although going to college is a form of denial, it might actually help
him to live the remainder of his life with meaning and purpose. Not
providing for his wife, however, will bring her emotional distress and
financial hardship.
My daughter is lazy and ungrateful. She shows me no respect. I
deserve better.
In reality, the mother is lazy and arrogant, does nothing around the
house, and desires servitude and adoration from her daughter. The
daughter deserves a mother who would nurture her.
"I think Ronald was flirting with me today," Jonathan
said with disgust.
In reality, Jonathan is sexually attracted to Ronald, but his own
impulses are felt as threatening to his masculinity. So, he looks upon
Ronald as possessing these impulses.
Amy thinks her co-workers are basically kind-hearted.
In reality, Amy is kind-hearted and her co-workers are vicious
gossips who slander her. But Amy is not prepared to take charge of her
situation (i.e., acknowledge her hurt feelings and accept the stress of
looking for another job).
Becky believes she is a bad girl.
In reality, Becky has a bad mother. Becky is too young to face this
terror. Her mother is her world because she is a dependent child.
She absorbs ownership of badness into herself as a means of preserving
an image of a loving and lovable mother.
I did not win any prizes in the pie-baking contest because the
judges were unfair.
In reality, my pies lacked seasoning and the crusts were falling
apart. Since I take great pride in my baking, and my family assumed I
would win, I cannot bear the humiliation of losing. I try to maintain
my self-image by attributing my failure to the judges'
unfairness.
It didn't matter that Harvard rejected me. They're all a bunch of
snobs there, anyway. I really wanted to go to State U. with my
friends.
In reality, the student is profoundly disappointed because it had been
his lifelong dream to attend Harvard. However, his high school
performance did not meet Harvard's standards.
Of course, when father was unfortunately diagnosed with brain
cancer, which is medically terminal and of considerable physical
discomfort to the human body, as well as mentally debilitating, it was
my immediate objective to be of assistance to mother who was burdened
with transportation problems to and from the hospital.
Naturally, I ascertained that her automobile was in pristine condition,
by perusing the operator's manual and cross-checking this data with
her repair receipts. Then, I provided her with a weekly stipend for
gasoline expenses.
The son's reaction to his father's illness involves an analysis of the
situation. The son is emotionally distanced.
When Mr. Kramer came home from work, he berated his wife for leaving
her diamond earrings on the kitchen table.
In reality, Mr. Kramer is angry with his boss for making him work
overtime. But he fears losing his job, and he will not say no to his
boss' demands. He transfers his anger with his boss onto his
wife. Normally, he would not get upset over his wife's
earrings.
When Michael was studying for his bar exam, he was under a lot of
stress. He seemed to sleep better if he took a teddy-bear to bed with
him.
Michael has regressed to an earlier developmental stage.
Mr. Jenkins never learned how to cook, and refuses even to make a
sandwich for himself when his wife is gone for the day.
Mr. Jenkins forces his wife to care for him as though he were a little
boy.
Yolanda does not remember having been assaulted in the city parking
garage.
Yet, she will drive blocks out of her way to avoid the garage and to
search for an alternate parking space. Even though Yolanda does not
remember the assault, she experiences a certain level of
dysfunction.
Mrs. May was absolutely shocked when her new television was stolen
after she left her front door unlocked. How could anyone do such a
thing?! When the police arrived, they thought the thief was the same
man who stole her neighbor's car last month. Upon hearing this, Mrs.
May vaguely recalled the incident.
Mrs. May avoided anxiety by pushing aside unpleasant information, and
then taking on an attitude of naivete about human nature.
Ken's ideas are always appreciated by his co-workers. "What
wonderful ideas you have--I think you have a marvelous intellect,"
Debra said enthusiastically.
In reality, Debra secretly disagrees but fears being criticized by the
majority. She over-compensates with her remarks in order not to be
suspected of disagreement.
Barry feels that all wars are unjust and inflict untold misery on
innocent civilians. He joins protest marches at every
opportunity.
In reality, Barry will not fight because he is a coward and runs from
confrontation. He does not want to be disgraced on the battlefield.
By joining protest marches he can feel superior to the
military.
When Mrs. Wong broke her leg, her neighbor did nothing to help her.
Now she hates her neighbor. However, Mrs. Wong is a Christian and
feels she should love everyone. She picks some roses from her garden
and takes them to her neighbor.
Mrs. Wong did not give the roses out of Christian charity, but to
control her intense feelings and to maintain her neighbor's good
opinion of her. Also, by showing thoughtfulness toward her neighbor,
she expressed her own unfulfilled desire to have been treated
better.
When Jennifer's sister was killed by a drunken driver, she felt rage
and wanted to set fire to the driver's house.
Jennifer created a memorial photo album on her sister's life and gave
it to her nieces. Not only did this afford her greater closure over
her sister's death, but it also brought her nieces closer to
her.
Ryan was physically abused by his older brothers when he was
growing up. He always felt helpless and angry.
Ryan trained in the martial arts and, as a young man, opened his own
karate school for boys and girls. Not only has Ryan learned how to
channel his anger, but he also obtains great satisfaction from teaching
youngsters how to defend themselves.
www.waveofconsciousness.com |
copyright © 2008 Natalia J. Garland |